As I Grow...

"It's my life and I'm gonna live it like I want to..." 

I think it's very important to be aware of myself and my patterns as I continue to progress in life. I can find my strengths if I don't know my weaknesses. So with that being said I'm very aware of the things I do that aren't "perfect" but I am also very aware of the things that make me a great person. 

However, it bothers me when I feel like I'm judged and criticized for my imperfections but my positive attributes are bypassed. Not that I need validation from anyone. It just bugs me especially when it's someone I'm close to...someone I consider a friend...friend?

Hear me out, the other night someone I consider myself a good friend to really upset me and hurt my feelings by expressing obvious disdain with the way I choose to deal with the men in my life. In so many words, they pretty much called me a whore. Now let me clarify this, I am not now nor have I ever been a whore, slut or any of that other mess. It's not my twist and I hold myself at too high of a caliber to even consider going down that route. I

I will say this though, I am a 19 year old single man. I have no commitments to anyone besides myself and my family. Anyone who knows me is very aware that I'd much prefer to be in a relationship, however, when I'm not in one, why sit home and mope waiting around for it?  No. I believe everyone has phases in their lives that will eventually make up the identity that one is destined to become. With that being said, in this phase of my life, if I'm not in a relationship, I'm gonna have fun. If I choose to date or get to know one guy or two guys or five guys, that's my business. Why turn down opportunity to actually let love find me? I'll never know what I could be missing out on if I'm sitting around wondering why the guy I like hasn't called...why the guy who i'm "dating" never has time for me...I don't do that. Life is too short...if you aren't handling your business or keeping up with my standards, I'm going to move on. Why does that make me a whore? I'm not fucking every dude with a dick. Casual sex isn't for me...not on a regular anyway, cause that's not to say if I want it, I won't go get it. That's where I am right now...in this phase. 

I say that to say this..

I'm growing. I'm maturing. I'm finding my own identity.

But right now...right here, I'm content with this PHASE.  

This CHAPTER of my life works for me.  

Who knows where I´ll be in a year...who knows where I´ll be TOMORROW! 

 And in this day and age, why are people so critical? There are too many different lifestyles to keep up with them enough to judge! People meet people online and find love everyday...that's cool! Why is that conveyed as desperation? People actually CHOOSE to NOT have sex! That's cool! Why is that conveyed as loneliness?  

Leave people alone! This generation is so quick to speak on other peoples decisions and lifestyles that no one has time to focus on their own! Be YOU...live YOUR life...stop trying to dictate other people's. 

I've also been thinking about the fact that I try TOO hard to be the perfect friend. There isn't anything any of my friends could ask for that I wouldn't give. However, with all that I give to them, I honestly don't believe ANY of them would go to the extent for me that I would for them. That's not to say that they are bad friends. They aren't. I just think I invest too much of my time in my friends that I put myself in a position to be disappointed when they don't do the same. And they don't have to...but that's another part of my growing. Finding my own identity. Being able to invest the time I put into them into myself. Making myself happy first.

I can only live for me...

Those who love me will accept me and my imperfections...

Those who love me and care for me will support me and cease any judgments... 

Know that I am growing....Love me. Grow with me...