We're Just Too Different?

Alright, I've been mentioning to all my friends how great this book I've been reading is! It's called "The Conversation" by Hill Harper. Just about everyone I've spoken to has heard of it, when I tell you all that it truly is a great book, it's quite unbelievable. Hill tells his story in trying to figure out why he hasn't been able to maintain a long-term relationship. He speaks on trying to figure out his faults and evaluating some of the patterns he's established during his lifetime and finding out which ones need to be eliminated or altered. When I finish the book i'll do a whole review...

In the meantime, the part of the book I'm in now, a friend of his who has been married for 20+ years is giving Hill insight on making relationships work from his perspective. His friend said something that kinda stuck out to me, he said "The biggest issue with Black love relationships is our fear of each other." Now the way he may have meant it and they way I perceived it are surely different but the way I took it was him saying, our biggest fear with love and relationships is our fear of allowing someone come in and change us into the person they want us to be.

That got me to thinking. When you establish a relationship with someone whether it be romantic or platonic, are you willing to open yourself up to change? Are you willing to allow that person to help you figure out things about yourself that you didn't know? Most people are totally closed off to that. As we know many of today's population is afraid of things they don't know so they close themselves off to it. I'll never quite understand that. But after reading and giving what was said more thought, I started thinking about a particular situation I've been battling with myself.

About 15 minutes after I put the book down, I sent out a text message to six of the most intelligent and opinionated people I know. The text message read "Question: How do two totally different people with totally different views and mentalities learn to coincide? Is it possible?"

Some of you might think this has to do with my current relationship but it actually has nothing to do with it. I was curious about a friendship of mine that I have pretty much totally detached myself from.

The friendship was a very....emotionally draining one that I felt like I might be better off without. That particular individual and myself were so very different that it seemed like all we did was clash. We argued, we fought and all that mess but I kept trying because I truly cared about this person. In the end, I just felt like I was giving more to the friendship than I was getting. I felt like I was always trying to be the perfect friend while they were content with being nasty and mean for a lack of better words. So I decided that we were just too different to be a part of each others lives. Our personalities...the way we viewed friendship, relationships, life....it was all too different for us to really be "friends". Well I've begun to kinda miss this person...something about them was always alluring and I've found myself wondering, what could we have done to really make our friendship work. And better yet, now that I'm establishing a romantic relationship with someone who is my complete opposite, how do I work on that very same issue with him?

Everyones' response was "compromise". As different as each of the six individuals are, they all said compromise. Listen to each other, try to understand each others point of view, be honest and respectful. My friend Kayla said "In the end, it's all about investment, time, commitment, honesty, and love."

I can't think of a more perfect way to sum it up. It's all about both parties investing the time to make the situation work. It's a 50/50 thing that you both have to be on the same page about and you BOTH have to want the same desired outcome. I think you both have to be open to change and stop looking at it as a negative thing. Saying "This is how I've been" or "This is what I was told" isn't always healthy. You have to be open to learning new things about yourself and letting the people you choose to surround yourself with teach you things that might change the way you live your life for the better. But it's definitely about compromise. No one is TOO different to get along or coincide with someone else. Our differences are what helps bring us together and make our TEAMS stronger....

What do you guys think???

Artist Spotlight: Jayms Madison

Something About A Girl Named Jayms....

For a while now I've been tweeting and talking about this up and coming artist Jayms Madison. Let me tell you, this girl is the truth! Since a friend of mine put me on to her, I've been a crazy fan! Her voice is simply incredible. Born in the Bronx in 1987, the 22 year old has already traveled to more places than most people I know! She's performed on tour with Trey Songz and has been featured on many of today's major urban blog sites including ConcreteLoop and Singersroom.

Now if yall wanna know more about her bio, yall can visit her myspace or google her!

I wanna talk about her music! Every single song that I have heard from this girl has touched me in some way. Her lyrics have truly formed the soundtrack to my love life!

With songs like "I Need Help" and "Lost Yo Mind", Jayms talks about dealing with the realization that your relationship has changed and trying to cope with it.

"You say it's just a matter of time, before I see that we weren't meant to be together, I think it's just a matter of time before I lost my mind..."

"I Need Help"-Jayms Madison

"It's certain things that people hate to say, like when you know the love you had has changed...."

"Lost Yo Mind"-Jayms Madison

Those lyrics have been in my head for the past week! (Check out the youtube and past blogs...you'll know why)

I must say though, my favorite song by Ms.Madison is "Definition of Love" which I will say is truly on my top 3 of favorite love songs! Her vocals on this song have definitely got me emotional!! LOL! With lyrics like...

"What do you call it when your hearts racing and all you can think about is this one person, what do you call it when, you need him just too much, it could be like or lust but I'm pretty sure it's love..."

That song is sure to be a favorite when she makes her official entrance to the music world! Until then be sure to check her out on MySpace for more music! Check out her new personal YouTube page and follow her on twitter too!

Jayms Madison MySpace

Follow Jayms on Twitter!

Check Out Her Personal Video Blog On YouTube!

Love & Life

Hey!! What's goin on people! Just wanted to come give yall a quick lil update. Yesterday was CRAZY! Me and my girl Shanda played celebrity yesterday lol. We got up early and headed to the mall for some retail therapy and ended up making it sooo much bigger than we planned. We went stupid crazy, spent all our money and ended up in the Armani Exchange store. Now I go in there pretty often when I'm in the mall, a portion of my wardrobe is from there but yall know times is hard right now so I won't lie, yesterday I really was just going in to do some looking around! But we met this guy Jason, who worked for the store (hey Jason!) and as I was trying to walk out he pulled me back in and proceeded to pull out several different outfits for me to try on. Dude was ON POINT! Everything that he picked out was sooo hot! So yall know I had to get some of it right! He became me and Shanda's personal stylist for about a hour and it was just fun!

Later on that night, we decided we would update our YouTube page! All day we had been talking about the things going on (or not going on) in our love lives so we decided to let our 6 (YES SIX) subscribers in our conversation. She discussed her current relationship status and I updated folks on mine! Mine is still rather complicated. I'm under the impression that it's over. Neither one of us said it and its surely not the way I want it, but based on observation and lack of any type of ANYTHING from him, it seems thats how he wants it. So......yeah. I dont even know how I feel when it comes to that because I was in a position where I was really starting to put myself into it and he switched it up. Decided I wasn't too much of a priority anymore. Which I guess I shouldn't trip about cause I want someone who's gonna make me a priority, right? Right.

Anyway, here's the video! I think we're gonna do a part two...but honestly, I think I'm tired of talking about the situation. It's redundant so unless I have GOOD news to talk about in my love life, I won't be a part of the conclusion video.

-SilentStorm

Where Do We Go From Here?

I usually get a bad wrap when it comes to my social skills. To many I come off as snobbish or anti-social. Which is not the case at all. I'm just very selective about the people I associate with. I hold myself to a certain standard and prefer to surround myself with those who are of that same standard.

Thankfully, I've been able to come across and befriend some of the most amazing people imaginable. People who are extremely intelligent and driven and who are sure to be very influential people in whatever they may do in their lifetime. Now, with that being said, late last night I posted a question asking all my tweet followers and facebook friends exactly how genuine a friendship is if you can go weeks without speaking over a petty disagreement or argument.

Obviously, the general answer was...not very genuine. Which upsets me a bit because I've been forced to ask myself that same question with a friend of mine. A very close friend of mine. Recently, we had a slight confrontation over something so silly and childish that the argument was over in a matter of like 10-20 seconds, if that. But because of that incident, we haven't spoken in about two weeks. Which is crazy to me because I have friends who I have argued with for hours and the next day we're close as ever again. And here it is someone who is supposed to be one of my "best friends" and we haven't spoken in weeks. The sadder thing is that we are forced to interact and see each other on a DAILY basis....I see this person every single day and since that incident there have been all of maybe 4 or 5 words spoken between the two of us. And I hate to say it but it's like neither one of us really care. Life is moving on and they seem to be fine with it and it's just my nature to not care when people aren't speaking to me. Anyone who knows me closely knows that. But really, what kinda of friendship is that? How do you call someone a friend if you can allow 20 seconds turn into two weeks of silence. But this is NOT the first time it's happened! I think this is the longest it's gone on for but it's happened before.

Usually, I'd be like okay whatever and move on with my day. But for some reason, it started to bother me a bit. Even though I'm one of the most stubborn people in this world, I decided in my own way I would try to warm things up between the two of us....invites to dinner...text messages....even minor things like commenting on facebook items. Just to kind of open the lines of communication, you know? Let it be known like "Okay....I'm over this...you should be too...moving on"....but I received no type of response. So it's like....do I just be like, that's it...our friendship is over and move on. Or try to further correct things?

I'm torn because I value friendship to a level higher than most. Without my friends, I know for a fact I wouldn't be even a percentage of the person that I am today. So when I feel like I'm losing a friend that means alot to mean, it's changes things a bit. My "don't give a..." persona slowly fades. So what would you guys do? Have you ever been in this type of situation? If so, let me know what happened......

NEW MUSIC (9-14-09)

I'm sure all of you saw Janet's tribute performance last night on the VMA's right??

We'll talk about that later...believe me!

I just wanted to share with you the new song that was released shortly after the performance on Janet's website! It's called "Make Me"...I'm feeling it and I'm pretty excited about what she'll be doing next....

In addition to that, I gotta say I am IN LOVE with Amerie and Trey Songz remake to Mint Condition's "Pretty Brown Eyes"...Trey sounds great as usual and so does Amerie! It's def on my playlist for a while!

Check out both songs and let me know what you think!!

-SilentStorm

[download link]

[download link]

You Get Back What You Put Out.....

This is the first post for this new blog I'm doing! Some of you might be familiar with the other blog I used to do on a regular basis over @ tumblr.com. I wasn't really too happy with the limited amount of options I had. So I decided to try out this blogspot thing!

Anyway, for those who follow me on twitter (via @SilentStorm1106) , yall know that tonight a friend of mine called me with some relationship issues. Her dude said he's done with her....she's depressed...ya know...the typical bullshit. So being the good friend that I am, I cancelled my plans for the evening to go be by her side and try to console her. Now while I'm there, she's asking me why shit like this keeps happening to her. This is a woman who plays alot of games with men. I love her to death but thats the reality of the situation. She plays alot of games and she's toys with dudes because for whatever reason they allow for it. And instead of being real and upfront with ONE dude....let me repeat that ONE dude, she decides to have 2 and 3 on the side. For what? Because she likes to have the dude that kinda "controls" her and the dude who will be her flunkie.

Crazy as it sounds, that whole situation is pretty common. I dont know why women feel the need to have a man who wants to dominate shit. But that's besides the point. The issue with that is that those are the dudes who usually walk all over you and put you through hell because they are under the impression that it's okay and because you ALLOW it. That's not cool. So when she asked me why it keeps happening to her, I told her it was because she liked it. She enjoyed having dudes take advantage of her and control her and put her through the emotions because its the same shit she puts her "flunkies" through and she enjoys having someone put her in her place for a change. I told her it keeps happening because she keeps putting herself into the same predicaments with the same type of men while treating real GOOD men like shit. It's karma. Simple as that. How are you gonna treat other people like shit and wonder why it keeps happening to you? You know she had the nerve to get mad?!? YES! Got mad BUT then told me I was right...but was still mad because I said that was a fucked up way to live and she needed to get her shit together! Called me judgmental....But judgmental or not..

ITS TRUE! Who wants to go through the same things over and over and be hurt on a consistent basis? But until you start doing right by people and change some of your ways.....it's gonna keep happening.

Maybe I wasn't the person to discuss love with tonight....I will say that. My love life isn't really the best right now, so maybe I kinda took my frustrations out on her. My situation is a bit different though. See I try to treat the dudes I deal with like I want them to treat me....I like to set the tone for the relationship early on. So i'm upfront and honest with them from the jump. No lying, no bullshit, no games. Now the guy I was dealing with, I did that with him. Tried my best to always be 100% with him. And when I felt things weren't going as they should, I addressed it. Y'all have seen the tweets and YouTube videos, so no need to recap. But long story short, we ended it and I soon realized that it was my fucked up mentality in regards to relationships that allowed me to kinda ruin what could've been a good thing and I will say I do regret it a lot. So I'm trying to pick up the pieces and mend what I can of that situation. With that being said, I wasn't in the mood to help someone with their relationship when my own is...well...gone. lol. So maybe I kinda snapped and was a bit judgmental, however, I was still right! My comments were valid.....I can't help that the truth is the truth.