We're Just Too Different?

Alright, I've been mentioning to all my friends how great this book I've been reading is! It's called "The Conversation" by Hill Harper. Just about everyone I've spoken to has heard of it, when I tell you all that it truly is a great book, it's quite unbelievable. Hill tells his story in trying to figure out why he hasn't been able to maintain a long-term relationship. He speaks on trying to figure out his faults and evaluating some of the patterns he's established during his lifetime and finding out which ones need to be eliminated or altered. When I finish the book i'll do a whole review...

In the meantime, the part of the book I'm in now, a friend of his who has been married for 20+ years is giving Hill insight on making relationships work from his perspective. His friend said something that kinda stuck out to me, he said "The biggest issue with Black love relationships is our fear of each other." Now the way he may have meant it and they way I perceived it are surely different but the way I took it was him saying, our biggest fear with love and relationships is our fear of allowing someone come in and change us into the person they want us to be.

That got me to thinking. When you establish a relationship with someone whether it be romantic or platonic, are you willing to open yourself up to change? Are you willing to allow that person to help you figure out things about yourself that you didn't know? Most people are totally closed off to that. As we know many of today's population is afraid of things they don't know so they close themselves off to it. I'll never quite understand that. But after reading and giving what was said more thought, I started thinking about a particular situation I've been battling with myself.

About 15 minutes after I put the book down, I sent out a text message to six of the most intelligent and opinionated people I know. The text message read "Question: How do two totally different people with totally different views and mentalities learn to coincide? Is it possible?"

Some of you might think this has to do with my current relationship but it actually has nothing to do with it. I was curious about a friendship of mine that I have pretty much totally detached myself from.

The friendship was a very....emotionally draining one that I felt like I might be better off without. That particular individual and myself were so very different that it seemed like all we did was clash. We argued, we fought and all that mess but I kept trying because I truly cared about this person. In the end, I just felt like I was giving more to the friendship than I was getting. I felt like I was always trying to be the perfect friend while they were content with being nasty and mean for a lack of better words. So I decided that we were just too different to be a part of each others lives. Our personalities...the way we viewed friendship, relationships, life....it was all too different for us to really be "friends". Well I've begun to kinda miss this person...something about them was always alluring and I've found myself wondering, what could we have done to really make our friendship work. And better yet, now that I'm establishing a romantic relationship with someone who is my complete opposite, how do I work on that very same issue with him?

Everyones' response was "compromise". As different as each of the six individuals are, they all said compromise. Listen to each other, try to understand each others point of view, be honest and respectful. My friend Kayla said "In the end, it's all about investment, time, commitment, honesty, and love."

I can't think of a more perfect way to sum it up. It's all about both parties investing the time to make the situation work. It's a 50/50 thing that you both have to be on the same page about and you BOTH have to want the same desired outcome. I think you both have to be open to change and stop looking at it as a negative thing. Saying "This is how I've been" or "This is what I was told" isn't always healthy. You have to be open to learning new things about yourself and letting the people you choose to surround yourself with teach you things that might change the way you live your life for the better. But it's definitely about compromise. No one is TOO different to get along or coincide with someone else. Our differences are what helps bring us together and make our TEAMS stronger....

What do you guys think???