.::SoloRising::.

Today I was really surprised by all the questions I got from people about my change in twitter name and signature for my outgoing messages. It's now .::SoloRising::. I was shocked anyone said anything because really, who pays attention to the signatures on peoples text messages? LOL! But many of my friends who I talk to on a regular basis were like  'Oh I like that!' or  'What's that about?!?'  

I think SoloRising comes from a place in my life where I'm moving on and trying to do things for myself by myself. In all honesty, it stemmed from  a conversation I had with a friend about how hurt I was about feeling betrayed and neglected by certain friends and family members. Feeling like I try my best to show the very few people I let get close to me  how much they  mean to me and how much I value their place in my life. Trying to do that and it only backfiring or not being reciprocated. Feeling like I try to be so much to so many people and not having that in return, feeling like I deserved that and was made to feel bad for wanting it. It started with being hurt and sad to being extremely angry. From being like "Why don't these people care to have me in their lives like I care to have them in mine?" to "You know what, f*** all of you...I'm done trying to please you damn ingrates!" LOL. Harsh right? I know but it's real. It's how I felt. I didn't really wanna talk to anyone because I felt like I was being fake as hell if I was talking to these people who I was furious with. 

So last night when I was speaking to a friend who I pretty much grew up with, she said "What happened to you? What happened to the Rodney that didn't give a damn who was there or who wasn't because he was gonna do what he wanted?" What DID happen to that guy? I was so secure in my skin, didn't need a damn soul and for damn sure wasn't pressed if people chose not to be around. "Oh you don't wanna be here....Bye!" She said "You gotta get back to that...get back to focusing on you and doing what you wanna do because it's something that you wanna do. Don't worry about hearing from this person or having that person in your corner...those who really matter know who you are and will do what they have to do to show you that they value you, those who don't matter will continue to flutter and end up feeling STUPID when you aren't around and they realize what a good friend they lost"

Umm DUH! So right! I've spent so much time feeling wrapped up in who was there and who wasn't...who I could depend on and who I couldn't...who was in my corner and who was against me. The only person who really matters is ME. I'm the one who has to be happy with me at the end of the day. So SoloRising comes from me deciding to do things on my own. Focus on me, take time to begin doing things that make me happy again, get what I want and evaluate my life. Progression. Furtherance. Independently. Time to rise and take my life back and do it without relying so heavily on others for fulfillment.