What About Your Friends?!

I'm not even gonna lie, I'm sooooo singing right now! "what about your friendsssss, will they stand and frown, will they let you down!!!" Hahahaha! Sorry, I'm  kinda in a goofy ass mood right now! Forgive me! 

My feelings are so all over the place yall it's unbelievable. In some ways I am feeling really good. I feel like I'm really starting to figure out what I want out of life and I'm trying to get together than plan to make those things happen. And I feel good about that. I'm confident that I can do what I need to do. But at the same time I'm kinda upset because in trying to take my life in a new directions, I had to let go of some of the people who have really been a part of my life for a while. I'm kinda sick about it. I think I've had to let go of a good 5 or 6 people in the last two weeks. I'm not gonna sit here and lie and pretend like it was such a hard thing to do cause it really wasn't. Once I've made up my mind about being done with you...I'm done. But the thing that I'm kinda upset about is the fact that a few of these people are people that I swore would be in my life forever. But when it came down to it, the plan I have for my life and the person that I want to become has no real use for those type of people. I honestly saw them as being more detriments than benefits and I just can't have that.

But on a brighter note, it really made me evaluate my friendships with EVERYONE. Who can I appreciate? Who do I feel appreciates me? Will this person be someone I can truly see being a part of my future? And with that being said, I think I'm good! I've always kept the amount of people I called "friends" very VERY small. Because not everybody is your friend, regardless of what they say. I think I've been blessed to have a select few who I really can call friends. People who I know will have my back and support me 100%. People that aren't at all gonna bullshit me and lie to me. There's a certain level of trust that I have with these people. Particularly 3. Everyone knows my team..it's 4 of us and without them I think my life would be in shambles on a regular basis. LOL. I've been going through a lot lately and so have they but recently we've come together in such a way that I never imagined. Our bond and our strength as a unit is unbelievable and I am so thankful to be a part of a group that I know I can trust whole heartedly.

But even as happy as I am with them, I'm soooo sad! (Told yall my emotions were all over the place!! LMAO!) Recently, I lost one of my best friends....not lost...cause he's not dead or anything lol, but our friendship ended. And that mess is killing me because it didn't have to. I've been really...depressed? Not depressed but sad about it. But I havent really said much...I've tried not to show it but I just think it's crazy. When at this time of my life and I'm trying to figure out who's really there and who shouldn't be, I lose my best friend? Over some bullshit? And I'm not gonna go into what happened but the situation could have been easily rectified has he just tried to talk to me. I feel like he gave up on our friendship before I did. When ego's and pride come in the way of friendship, it's like...well how genuine was it from the beginning? I believe in taking responsibility for your actions and when you can't humble yourself enough to do that, that's a problem. When you can have civil conversations with everyone else about it but you can't come to me without an attitude? That's a problem. Because I wasn't the one who was wrong so if anyone should have an attitude, it should be me. And I didn't, I was more hurt by something he did than angry. And apparently he thought if he tried to talk to me, I would get angry...but he never tried, so how would he know?? And that's what I mean by he gave up on the friendship because there was never a conversation of "Look, I was wrong...I'm sorry, how can we get passed this?" It was like "Well i did all I can do....whatever". That's a problem. And that's when I shut down. When I feel like you've given me that "well fuck u..." attitude, it's a wrap! So that's been really fuckin wit me but I'm trying to get over it and keep it pushing. 

I think that's the good thing about having the friends I have though. I don't have to tell them "I'm upset...I need you"....they know. And they've been awesome. They've been there when I wanted to talk, they've been there when I didn't wanna talk. That I can appreciate. That's what I think true friendship is about. Having that connection with a person that regardless or not they verbalize something, you can tell and you have a internal obligation to support them because you WANT to. I feel blessed to have that..

CHECK IT OUT: Chris Brown's "12 Strands"

It looks like Chris is definitely trying to make his way back on top and he's finding several different outlets to do so. I came across a trailer for Chris' new short film "12 Strands". From what I understand it's gonna be some type of action thriller. Based on the trailer it looks like it could be some kinda mini-movie that's gonna tie in with Chris' role in the new film "Takers". At any rate, it looks good from what I can see so check it out!!

12 Strands (Matrix) Teaser from Gloob Marketing on Vimeo.

NEW MUSIC: "Bottoms Up" - Trey Songz featuring Nicki Minaj

Okay I'm sure most of you heard Trey Songz new single "Bottoms Up" featuring Nicki Minaj. Some people are loving it...others..not so much. I'm kinda inbetween. I am definitely a Trey Songz fan. Will be spending my birthday at his concert and all, however..I don't think this should have been a first single. It just doesn't match the quality of music that I've come to expect from Trey. But being the supporter that I am I have to post it and let you guys judge for yourself.

I will say this about the track...must much much respect to Nicki Minaj because she FLAMES this track! I love her verse on it! I don't care who hates on this woman, she is hot!

Check out Trey on tour with Monica for the "Passion, Pain & Pleasure" tour and be sure to get the new album on September 14th!

Lyrics To Relate To...

  

I've been listening to Vivian Green's "Beautiful" album a lot lately. I've actually been listening to all of her music lately but today I was listening to these song and it kinda made me think about a few different situations. Situations dealing with myself and situations dealing with friends of mine...check it out and tell me if you can relate! 

The Things People Will Deal With For Love?

I've been single for what seems like forever and someday's I'm okay with that and other days, not so much. However, recently many of my friends have entered new relationships or are rekindling old ones and I've noticed the same issues with ALL of them! Each and every single one of them is dealing with ridiculous amounts of bullshit to maintain these relationships. Why?! Why are you dealing with this man treating you like hell? Why are you dealing with this man talking to you like he runs you? For what?! Is your relationship really worth your dignity? Is your relationship really worth you sacrificing the person that you are?

I just don't get it. And some of them have said to me "well you don't understand cause you're single"..you're right!! I don't understand and that is the reason I am single because I will NEVER deal with that mess! I've done it before...at this phase in my life I can't tolerate anyone else's mess regardless of whether I love you or not. If I don't feel like I'm being treated in a way that is beneficial to me or is equating what I'm giving, it's a wrap! I'm done with the situation and there is absolutely no looking back. 

For instance, I recently severed all ties with an ex who I'd been dealing with for about 5 years. We played the friends role, then more recently we acted like we might get back together..all the nonsense. Then one day he put me in a really uncomfortable position that made me ask myself the same questions I've been asking my friends. Are you really about to continue to deal with this mans ridiculousness? Hell no!! So with that being said, I wished him the best and made it clear that our presence in each others lives would no longer be. 

As I said, I'm just at a point in my life where I'm focusing on myself and dealing with other peoples negativity and unnecessary baggage isn't something I need. And now people are asking me if I miss him...if I'm sad...If we'll ever be friends again. No I don't miss him. No I'm not sad. I'm fine! I hope he can understand where I'm coming from and accept that as is. Who knows what will happen in the future, if we're meant to be a part of each others lives we will be. But right now, that's not an option as far as I'm concerned. 

But you know what, now that I've just said that I think about another situation I'm in right now. I was dealing with this guy Anthony a while back and I was kinda a asshole to him. I think I gave him the same bullshit I've seen my friends dealing with. The unneccsary drama and all that. I was really messed up about a relationship I had just gotten out of and I took it out on him. So obviously he decided he didn't wanna deal with the mess anymore and we stopped dealing with each other. He started dating someone else and I then realized just how bad I messed up. (don't know what you got until it's gone right?) I started seeing how seemingly happy they were (twitter is the devil) and realized that could have been us. Anyway they broke up and I tried to kinda get back in the picture wit him and to be quite frank..he wasn't having it. LOL. I was hurting over it because my feelings for him are genuine so I'm still hurt about it but just like my ex had to accept that I couldnt  deal with his stuff, I guess I gotta accept that Anthony is in a place in his life where he doesnt feel like he can or wants to deal with mine. **tears** 

But the point is, everyone has their boundaries and limits...people will deal with alot when it comes to love but you gotta be careful with that because there's gonna be and NEEDS to be a point when you realize you gotta do what you gotta do for YOU. And you'll either end up losing something that could have been PERFECT such as my situation with Anthony or you'll end up losing yourself because you dealt with entirely TOO much! There has to be a BALANCE!!!!!!!! Think about it!