Blame It On Me? (Late Night Vent)

I will be the first to admit that I love getting a rise out of people...I say and do all types of shit to get reactions and responses from people. I won't lie. LOL. I just like observing behaviors of people when they are in a unusual predicament. But when it comes to guys I'm involved with, I'm always very straight forward. I say what I feel, and I mean what I say. Period.

Now if I tell a guy "I like you, I want to be with you" etc, I mean it and I'm gonna do what I gotta do to assure them that I'm serious. I except the same. If you tell me you wanna be with me and you want me to take you seriously, then give me a reason to do so. That always seems to be the issue though and it annoys the hell outta me. So much that I've recently thought to myself  "I wonder if they say certain shit just to get a reaction outta me...to see what I'm gonna say or do." and it's pathetic really. But that's what I've dealt with in the recent months.

Last week, a guy I've known for years calls me and asks me what's going on with the dude I was talking to the last time he and I spoke. I tell him it's over because dude was on his bullshit. Swearing up and down that "we" meant so much to him but he wasn't willing to put forth the time and effort necessary to maintain or progress. We'll talk about that dude in a minute though. So the guy says "well thats cause you need to stop dealin with them other guys and let me show you what a real dude is cause you've been sleeping on me"...first of all, that line in itself is so typical. I've been "sleeping" on you? No, I've been bypassing you by because you exhibit the same bullshit qualities that most young  boys (and i do mean BOYS) that I encounter possess. So of course he swears up and down that I'm wrong about him and I should give him a shot. I think to myself...hell, the dude I've been trying to be with for months is doing him, ain't thinkin bout me...I'm almost positive he's talking to someone else...fuck it, I'll play along....and what do you know? I was right. He was about the same shit......and had the nerve to get mad at me cause I called him on it. Oh well...

So on to the guy who I've been dealing with for sometime now, this thing between he and I has been a total rollercoaster from Day 1 but we (and by we, I mean I) kept trying to fix it and work it out. We'd stop talking and come back to it, stop talking and come back to it. I think both of us were getting tired of the up and down so we had what seemed like productive conversation in which we came up with a solution. Things were good...for the time being. All of a sudden, we barely talked, couldn't get in touch with homie....you're never around, claiming you're working but I can go to your Twitter page any time of day and see you going back and forth minute by minute ALL DAY with who ever. I'm like fuck it, I don't care. I'm done. But friends say talk to him about it..so I address it. Ask him what's up, tell me if he wants us to be done say so, but if he's gonna keep saying he wants us to work he needs to step his shit up. As usual, he acts like he's so shocked, like I've said something so unfathomable and he has no idea where it's coming from.

I try my best to keep things cordial after we decide that it's not working. But now it's being made out like it was my fault that it's over. Like homie, you decided our fate....you ended us in reality so don't come at me feeling some kinda way when I've decided to wash my hands of the situation. Talking about it's so hard to move on and all that but it really shouldn't be since you didn't really care from the jump and was doing you the whole time. That just annoys me because so many come out say how different they are and then do the same things typical and basic dudes do. If you're gonna say one thing..do that. But if you change the program, don't get mad when the outcome isn't what you thought it'd be......

Oh well, this has gotten really long...lol oops.

and most of it probably makes no sense but I was angry sooo deal with it!

night!